you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
