You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
