Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
