that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
