oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
