Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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