If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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