Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
