she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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