Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
