It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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