yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
well you can't waste a boner
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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