This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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