Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
