____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
