so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
My dick has a subreddit
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize