I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
sex in a hospital.. check
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
