I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
