"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
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