Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize