Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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