i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
