# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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