I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
