i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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