how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Dignity is for republicans.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Is Oprah even human
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
