There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
