i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Randomize
