just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
