we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
