Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
