He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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