she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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