I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You dont lie about slip and slides
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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