my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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