we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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