She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
