My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she looked like the before picture.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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