2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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