I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
