and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
