he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
