love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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