sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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