I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
