Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
