South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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