nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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