is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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