I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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