Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
