none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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