By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize