So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
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