Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
