Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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