Moan for me like Helen Keller
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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