he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
