dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
