Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize