I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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