Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
