matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
