So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
