Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
