Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
