I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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