He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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