you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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