im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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